


Demon

by charcolor



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Episode: s02e20 Weirdmageddon 3: Take Back the Falls, Self-Harm, Teenage Pines Twins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-08 18:19:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14111247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charcolor/pseuds/charcolor
Summary: Some demons can never be exorcised. They'll dwell deep inside you forever, to ensure you don't forget the sins you've committed.





	Demon

**Author's Note:**

> pinecest + billdip shippers don't touch

_Don't you remember?_

His voice was the first thing Mabel heard when she stirred. Even after opening her eyes, it was utterly dark save for a sliver of moonlight.

 _Don't you remember?_ he prompted again.  _One of the infinite stupid mistakes in your life?_

He didn't need to clarify. It'd been three whole years, and Mabel still could clearly make out the image of the shattered rift, the sound of  _his_ blood-boiling laughter.

Mabel had just awoken from a dream. She'd already forgotten the dream, but the emotion remained. Guilt and anger and hatred twisting her heart and rising like bile. Mabel swallowed it down and closed her eyes.

_Don't think you can ignore me. You know what you're responsible for, Shooting Star._

She couldn't help clenching her fingers into her pillowcase. She hated that name.

_Oh, my bad, you don't like that name, do ya? Let me think of a new one, then. How about, uh...Queen of Mabeland?_

Mabel's fingers glided to her skin, digging her nails in as deep as possible when she was reminded of that prison. When she was so stupid. She was  _so stupid._ She'd really believed that she was in paradise, and ignored the end of the world outside of her little bubble because she didn't want to see it. And if her brother hadn't saved her like he always did, the world would be dust and it'd be all her fault.

He laughed.  _Looks like you finally realized, huh? Took you long enough!_

She'd realized a long time ago. Dipper had told her not to think too much about it, but it wasn't that easy.

_You're smarter than ya look, Shooting Star._

Shut up, shut up, shut up. At this point trying to sleep was pointless, so Mabel quietly slipped out of bed to find her knitting needles. Knitting her sweaters was a good distraction in times like this. It was simple and repetitive, but required focus. It would always block out her thoughts.

But he was laughing at the concept.  _Oh, please. You can't shake me off that easy. If I don't let you know what a bad person you are, who will?_

Shut up, shut up, shut up. Mabel tried to knit, but he wouldn't stop.

_Oh, right, what about that unicorn? Yeah, I saw that whole mess. You're a real monster when you're angry, kiddo. Guess you never liked to think about how to solve your issues, huh? Boy, tricking you into believing you were in paradise was the easiest thing in the world._

The needle pierced the skin on Mabel's wrist. Her fingers began to tremble.

_Actually, know what? I take back what I said. We both know you're still just an idiotic bother._

In seconds Mabel found herself stabbing the needle into her wrist again and again and again, wincing at every instance of pain shooting up her arm. Maybe this was a bad idea.

_What's wrong with a little cutting? You've earned it, kid._

No, of course not. This was her only  _good_ idea. She didn't want to dig the needle through the skin down to her elbow, it hurt so badly, but she knew it was proper punishment.

Mabel out a short cry of pain. She didn't mean to. It just escaped her. Dipper had been sound asleep on the other side of the room. As Mabel feared, he woke at the noise, and when he saw Mabel cutting into her arm, his hands flew to his mouth to muffle his scream.

_Oh, great. Now you got Pine Tree started._

Mabel gritted her teeth as she pushed the needle in deeper.

"Mabel!" A hand shoved the needle away. "Stop it!"

Mabel finally looked up. Dipper's eyes were wide open. The way they were every time he saw something that horrified him. Mabel forced herself to speak through the lump in her throat. "Bill's inside of me." She sounded  _insane,_ but if anyone would understand, Dipper would.

She was right, but Dipper's response was something she never would've expected. "You hear him too?"

"What do you mean?" Mabel dared to ask.

Dipper shook his head. "Let's bandage up your arm first."

Without waiting for Mabel's agreement, he pulled her to her feet and dragged her to the bathroom. She kept silent as Dipper held her bloody arm out under the cold sink water.

_Get away from him, Shooting Star. He's gonna ruin your artwork._

Mabel's arm started to shake when she had to resist the urge to yank it away. Dipper stayed patient, quietly wiping away the blood and then smearing on some ointment. Then he wrapped clean gauze around it. Dipper's brown eyes were still glittering with fear, but his chilly hands were steady when he dressed the cut.

"Sorry," Mabel muttered.

"It's not your fault, Mabel." Dipper's voice was low and shaky, as if he was fighting down a cry. "Just tell me. Did Bill speak to you?"

Mabel nodded. If she wasn't so disturbed by everything, she'd probably smile a little, feeling reassured she could trust Dipper with this.

"He talks to me too," Dipper confessed. Then he pulled himself to sit on the sink counter and pulled up the left leg of his sweatpants to show his own secret.

The last time Mabel had seen Dipper's legs was in early autumn, the last time he wore shorts. Since then, cuts had appeared there. They weren't long slashes like the one Mabel had just made, just hundreds of small but deep cuts scattered across his skin. As many as the thoughts racing through Mabel's head, only a few that she could comprehend.

Bill hurt him again. Bill hurt her brother again, even after all this time, he was still here, preying on them, driving Dipper to cut up his skin the same way Bill had just done to her, but what could Bill have possibly said to Dipper to make him hate himself that much, what could Dipper possibly feel guilty about?

"Mabel, listen--"

Everything was  _her_ fault. All Dipper ever did was be honest with her. Mabel had always expected him to care for her and she never cared enough about him, even though Dipper obviously suffered, he had to suffer because Mabel never listened to him, she never helped him, she was a  _horrible fucking person._

"I'm sorry," Mabel mumbled through trembling lips.

" _This isn't your fault._ " Even now, Dipper was still kind to her. Mabel thought that once they were sixteen, they'd have grown apart. Dipper would grow annoyed of her endless self-loathing. He hadn't. He should've. It couldn't be healthy to care this much. Is that why he'd cut himself? "What did he tell you? What did Bill tell you?"

"The truth."

"But what did he  _tell_ you?"

"I'm stupid and everything was my fault."

Mabel couldn't bear to look at her brother anymore, but in the corner of her eye she still saw him clench a fist. Of course he'd be angry that Bill told Mabel the truth about herself. Dipper cared about her too much to believe it, didn't he?

But Dipper never did anything wrong. Why would he hurt himself? "What did he say to  _you_?" Mabel asked.

"The same thing."

" _What_?" She had to look up at his wide brown eyes again. "You never even  _did_ anything! I'm the one who--"

" _I'm_ the one who betrayed you," Dipper interrupted, his words suddenly much more forceful. "I took Grunkle Ford's apprenticeship without even talking you about it--"

"It's not your fault I was clingy--"

"It's not  _your_ fault either, Mabel! I was being stupid and selfish!"

Mabel didn't respond to this. She only noticed tears welling up in his reddening eyes. Dipper must have felt it too, because he looked away and wiped his eyes with a still-clenched fist. "Sorry, sorry." His voice was suddenly calmer, but there was still a tremor among his words. "Just...don't hurt yourself anymore over it, okay? It was years ago."

It wouldn't be that easy. Not with Bill around. Actually, that raised a question. "Is Bill talking to both of us at once?" Mabel asked.

Dipper shrugged and furrowed his eyebrows. "I dunno. He's dead. It could just be that we have the same auditory hallucination at the same time, but that seems kinda odd to me."

"It feels real."

"It does to me too."

Bill Cipher was an all-powerful dream demon--or dreamon, as Mabel had secretly dubbed it--so he probably had the ability to exist in multiple places at once. But Dipper was right. Bill was dead. Even if Grunkle Stan had recovered his memories, and that brought back bits of Bill, it would only be bits. Would he even be powerful enough to do anything?

"Even if it's not real," Dipper said, crossing his arms around himself, "it...it scares me. I can't help believing him most of the time."

"He's lying to you."

"That's not what it feels like."

At this point, Mabel didn't even know how to feel. It was like all her emotions had taken a time-out. Therefore, she couldn't think of anything else to say to Dipper.

Dipper cautiously reached a hand toward her. Mabel quietly grasped it. Doing this had always felt safe. She used to fear that one or both of them would have a phase where they outright refused to interact with each other in any way. Mabel was so relieved it hadn't happened. At times like this, they needed each other. Dipper knew it, too. There was no shame in his soft voice when he asked, "Should we have a sleepover?"

Mabel nodded, and Dipper slid himself off the counter. They held hands all the way until they reached Dipper's bed, the covers still hastily tossed forward. There was enough room for them to lie down an inch apart from each other. 

They let go of their hands, until a few moments later when Dipper desperately gripped it again and stared at her. It was too dark to see his eyes now, but Mabel knew what this meant. Having gone nonverbal, she only smiled at him, hoping he would be able to sense it in the shadows. He did, and in seconds the hands separated.

They lay in dark silence for a while longer.

_How adorable...yuck. When's the poor kid gonna abandon you?_

Mabel tightly held Dipper's hand.

_I say it's long overdue. Hey, I know! Why don't you kill yourself and get it over with for everybody?_

"He's lying. He's lying. Whatever he's saying, he's lying."

Dipper's reassurance blocked out the taunting and mocking, and so they could spend the rest of their night in peace.

**Author's Note:**

> some people????????? reimagine their intrusive and impulsive thoughts as bill cipher?????? to cope???????????????
> 
> also hey hi this took a while to write and uh it's my first gravity falls fic, i'm nervous so i might orphan it eventually or something idk. peace


End file.
